|This Is what I read that he said..|
I need to bring to your attention something that occurred last Saturday morning that you did that really pissed me off a whole lot. I had previously yelled at you about the obscene noise from all of your many power saws and other noisy and probably unnecessary equipment and such. I expressed to you that due to the secret esoteric nature of my important work, as well as my overall eccentric lifestyle, my privacy was very important to me and that your confounded noise was absolutely too disruptive and just not acceptable. You seemed to be conscious and aware of your surroundings and seemed to understand that the saws could be awfully, painfully loud and that they could be damaging to listen to. I scolded you and reprimanded you and belabored the point to you at that time that if you would ask my permission, in advance, I might see if, maybe, I could possibly arrange a time in my busy schedule when I could be away for a very short time and you could feel free to make all the noise you want, sawing boards for no apparent reason but for some reason you seem to find so much joy. I gave you a copy of my mysterious and important super secret work schedule. I felt we had an understanding, a bond, an ironclad contract. Last Saturday, for some unknown reason, all that I had gone on and on about for a long damn time was simply disregarded.
You just went ahead with your sawing anyway with no thought of your fellow man as if I had never held a discussion with you about it. I felt disrespected, cheap, screwed over and naturally you've blown any chance you ever had of me ever trusting you or allowing you to have me as a friend. The worst part of it is that if you had just gotten down on your knees and approached me on your belly, grovelling, beforehand, as I had instructed you to, I would have told you that I was leaving for Lake Tahoe the very next day and would be far, far, away Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.
If only you had listened to me, this issue would not have resurfaced. Since it has come up again, I am making sure I put it in writing so even an idiot like you will be able to understand and there will never, ever again be any chance of confusion about the way you must act when you are around me. In the future, you must give me six weeks notice that you are planning to use the saws and I will see if I will allow you. My phone number is 264-9011, but please don't call me unless you are ready to concede to all of my demands. Then you can call me between the hours of 1:00 pm and 2:00 pm and maybe I will set things up with you. I do the speaking for our neighbors too so I also know their needs and can offer any apologies you may have in their behalf. I know that Sara works at night and was trying to sleep while you were sawing. She probably was crying and rolling over and generally being pissed off, I'd imagine. Jeff works at a very, very difficult and also a super-secret job and prizes his privacy as much as I'm certain that he didn't come out on his deck last Saturday just to say "Hello"; In fact, he was going to tell you, "Shut the fuck up!", but I was able to talk him down and calm
his animal rage being the wonderful natural negotiator that I am.
Another one of the long list of things I hate about you is that last Saturday you turned your stereo up so loud it was even louder than your saws, it was louder than a 747 next to my ear. If you turn it up that loud, you can be sure that I am dying from the pain of your shitty music. I love music but believe you me, I would interfere with someone's right to play it when it's not even music but just some shit, but that crap you call music makes me projectile vomit. Why not Elton or Olivia Newton John, or St. John Denver, (God bless his sainted mop) anything, something with a beat. But that stuff you play sounds like the pitiful screaming of lost souls roasting in Hell. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to listen to my own music when it's being recycled through a floor. I play my stereo on the average forty-five hours a day, every day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I keep the volume completely off out of respect for my neighbors, but using my superior intellect I am still able to mentally derive extreme quantities of satisfaction from the music.
Whenever you have one of your two friends or whatever you call them, over, however few they may be, or your daughter, everyone talks so loud and the stereo and TV are turned up so loud I just about go nuts. It makes it hard for me to eavesdrop on your private and intimate conversations. I could recite your entire conversations all day long, verbatim. I really like to overhear your private conversations in this way. You probably know that I have a great interest in hearing them, you loser.
Again, I'm willing to determine and adjust the level of sound in your house. I could experiment with different volume levels. Another idea might be to put some insulation board or soundproofing up on the ceiling above the stereo equipment. I soundproofed one of my bedrooms for a roommate because he was just too damn loud all the time, too, and I needed more privacy to conduct my special experiments. I thought it worked out great and did'nt cost my roommate but half of his life savings. I'll show you the soundproofing I have and how I attached it. (In all fairness, other than last Saturday, I have noticed a drop in the Stereo/TV volume and have appreciated it greatly but it was probably only because you went out of town or something like that).
Maybe you have been used to living in a gigantic mansion, with servants, and lots of space around you to play your so-called music and a sound-proofed shed to deaden the hideous, frightful noise of your saws. I don't know, but here, I think we have six units and around 30 or 40 people in about the same space as a closet. I believe it is important that everyone communicate with me and pay me homage and respect my privacy. I also feel that you need to take responsibility for your actions when they affect me. I believe, in time, you will gladly give up your personal freedom to me. My experience is that if you don't obey my rules, then my intrusive unilateral behavior will always lead to a negative relationship with you. That will lead to tension and conflict with you. Soon, your home will not be safe from my wrath. It sure won't feel like "Home" to you anymore. I hope you realize these are my values and although you may not agree with them, you will get used to them in time. I just wanted to give you fair warning and let you know where I'm coming from.
I am not open to any discussion regarding the contents of this letter or any reasonable, shared, solutions. I am willing only to work with you in the ways I've stated. I also want to make it absolutely clear that I am firm in the preservation of my privacy. It will not waver from day to day, hour to hour; week to week, year to year, decade to decade,and neither will my intolerance for those who do not respect my sacred privacy and unrealistic expectations of others that are my birthright. Both are constants and both are core values
that I have worked many lifetimes and on many planes of consciousness to develop.
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